Hark! Christmas is upon us once again. There are only three more days until the jolly fat man comes down you chimney. If you haven’t finished Christmas shopping by now then your life is about to get more horror filled than anything the following movies have to offer.
Black Christmas (2006)
Black Christmas wasn’t a smash hit when it first came out. It took a few years for people to discover the movie, but over the years it has gained cult status with a legion of rabid fans. And for good reason. Black Christmas is one of the scariest slasher movies you’re likely to ever see.
If there’s a classic in Hollywood it’s sure to be remade, rebooted, or rewhatevered. Glen Morgan (X-Files) did the makeover treatment to Black Christmas. Unfortunately, Black Christmas (2006) suffers the same fate as many other remakes.
One of the first things Morgan chucked from the original was the police involvement. It may not seem like a big deal, but the police added an additional dimension to the movie that fleshed out the overall story.
It was also the police who learned the killer was inside the house the entire time. The killer in the house was another very creepy aspect of the original Black Christmas. Billy (Maybe the killer? The jury is still out on that one) didn’t have to break into the house, he was already inside. While everyone was looking somewhere else he was under their noses the entire time.
Morgan felt the need to eliminate the killer in the house. Instead, Morgan had the killer(s) break into the house and hide. We could argue how all day long how a killer could have managed to live in the house for years without anyone noticing, but killers breaking into houses is nothing new and seriously played out.
Morgan kept the phone calls from the killer. Phone calls in this pre-Scream horror world are nothing new and nothing shocking. In 1974, it was shocking to hear a gruff voice tell Barb (Margot Kidder, Superman) he’s going to rape and kill her. In 2006, a voice that sounds exactly like Scream’s Ghostface telling the sorority girls they’re part of the family isn’t scary or disturbing.
Morgan added a backstory for Billy, the killer, told in flashbacks. It’s during the flashback we learn why Billy killed his family. We also learn that Billy had a daughter…with his mother. It’s a twisted story of incest and murder sure to make anyone a psychopath. It’s also at this point we learn the identity of the killers (As if you hadn’t figured it out already) in the house. Yes, Morgan added an additional killer to the mix.
By taking out everything that made the original…well, original, Morgan created just another run-of-the-mill horror movie. If you’re looking for a horror movie with some outstanding kill scenes and not much else to offer, 2006’s Black Christmas is for you. If you’re looking for a horror movie with something more than just a few epic kills then stick with the original Black Christmas for some real holiday frights.
All Through the House
Here at A Mind on Fire we love a well crafted, low budget, independent movie. Right now, Todd Nunes’s All Through the House is perhaps one of the best horror movies falling in that category.
From the first scene you know you’re watching one hell of a crazy movie. The second thing you’ll realize is the killer Santa Claus is clipping off a lot of penises. Later, we actually see a bag of dicks. Literally a bag of dicks.
The first half of the movie is pretty much all Santa killing couples in different degrees of coitus (Sex leads to death even during a Christmas horror movie), but while all the blood, and penises, are being hacked up there’s an old school horror story developing.
At first, the story of a mother driving her son crazy enough to kill people for her sounds like Friday the 13th. To be honest, I thought the same thing. However, there’s a lot more to All Through the House than just penises getting cut off.
Actually, penises getting hacked off is at the heart of the story (Told you it was a crazy movie). The movie is too good to reveal too much without spoiling the whole thing. I will say the ending is as crazy as the beginning.
Watch All Through the House and decide for yourself if it’s not one of the best horror movies to come out in the past few years.
What can you expect from a Christmas horror movie staring Bill Goldberg, former WWE and WCW super star? One of the best Christmas horror B-movies ever suitable for the whole family.
Sure, Santa kills some people. Okay, a lot of people. Santa has good reason. Apparently, a long time ago Robert Culp (I Spy, Greatest American Hero) banished him to Hell for being one giant asshole. Now his imprisonment is over and he’s coming for some revenge. Who can blame the guy?
The killing is almost comically. The opening scene has James Caan being killed with a turkey leg. Mr. Green (Saul Rubinek, Warehouse 13) is impaled against a wall with a candelabra. Robert Culp is run down by a pair of reinbison. Yes, you read that right. Reinbison. It sounds bloody and gory, but the blood and gore is noticeably absent from the movie.
A mass murdering Santa Claus may not sound like a family movie, but what about the kids? Nicolas Yuleson (If that isn’t the most Christmas horror B-movie name ever then I’ve never heard one before) and Mary Mackenzie (Emile de Ravin, Lost) are the kids who have to finally end Santa’s reign of terror.
Santa’s Slay has all the makings of a Nickelodeon made-for-tv-movie, greenlit by disgruntled producer trying to get back at the studio that gave him/her the ax . That’s no insult because the result is one heck of B-movie horror movie. Watch and enjoy with the entire family.
Yes, Christmas is upon us once again. It’s suppose to be the most magical time of the year. So don’t let last minute shopping, traffic jams, lack of parking at your local mall, or the thought of a complete stranger coming down your chimney in the middle of the night ruin your holidays.
From all of us here to all of you out there, we hope you have a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah, or whatever holiday you wish to celebrate.