Movie Remakes That Shouldn’t Have Been Made

What could you possible do to update the movie or make it better than the original? New dance steps? New Music? More Kevin Bacon?

footloose remake poster

Everybody cut, everybody cut, everybody cut it out!

Red Dawn– So, the director and scriptwriter changed the Russians to the North Koreans. Instead of an all out invasion, that was brilliantly told in news type headlines during the opening sequence of the original, the Koreans *gasp* used cyber ware fare. However, the general public doesn’t know what that means and even if they did it doesn’t translate very well on screen. Casting Tom Cruise’s kid and killing Jed was not enough to save this movie. It manages to eliminate the suspense and the drama of the original.

The Evil Dead – The original was camp, cheesy fun at its best. The remake successfully made Evil Dead another run-of-the-mill horror film. Really though, no horror/slasher film should ever be remade. What can be done in a horror movie to separate it from the original? More blood? More gore? More half-naked girls running for their lives?

evil dead remake poster

Better effects and more blood? Well, it’s got to better, right?

Arthur – Russell Brand is usually a funny guy. However, he wasn’t funny in the remake. In fact nothing about the remake is funny.

arthur

This Arthur is 100% funnier than the movie Arthur.

The Day the Earth Stood Still – Critics and film historians all have theories about the original movie. Is it a classic of Cold War cinema? Is Klaatu a Messiah like figure who has come to save the people of earth? Whatever theory you subscribe to the original is classic sci-fi. This is not the case for the remake. Viewers are repeatedly hit over the head with the not so subtle message, “Respect the Earth!” Thanks, Keanu.

the day the earth stood still

The remake made me want to litter, burn plastic, and club baby seals.

The Truth About Charlie– In an attempt, I think, to separate it from the original movie the studio went with The Truth About Charlie instead of Charade. Even a name change didn’t help this subpar movie. The original had viewers guessing what was going on at every turn. Cary Grant had the class and charm to lull moviegoers into a false sense of security. The remake, on the other hand, was bland and boring. A note to whomever put the DVD together—Don’t put your sub-par remake on the same disc as the original. It only reminds people you made a bad movie.

the truth about charlie poster

The truth is this remake sucks.

Psycho – I appreciate Gus Van Sant’s experiment of remaking Psycho word for word and scene for scene. However, that is the problem with the remake. It’s a xerox copy of the original and like a copier running out of ink it can’t compare to the original.

psycho movie poster

If you don’t have your own ideas copy from the best.

The Shining – I like Stephen King. I don’t care if he didn’t like Kubrick’s The Shining. The original was a terrifying portrayal of insanity. The remake is a terrifying portrayal of boredom and why one should not to remake a classic film.

the shining tv show poster

So, you remade a classic movie and you want air it on television? What a grand idea.

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