3 Zombie Products That Are Too Much

The obsession with zombies has gone too far. I used to (and still) love to watch a good zombie movie. When I’m feeling super nostalgic, I sit down to Resident Evil (the PS1 original). From an exorbitant amount of indie zombie games available, to apps where we must pit the walking dead against their arch nemesis… plants.

Those products pale in comparison to what will be marketed in the name of “zombie.” What we, as nerds and consumers, must do, is treat this fad like its source material and shoot it right between the eyes. Not to return until well after a resurgence of any other fucking movie monster you can think of.

3. Zombie Cologne

This scent is designed to mimic the smell of rotting flesh. Whether you get this in jest or plan on pouring a bottle of it on your worst enemy, you’re buying a bottle of absolute nasty.  I’ve actually come across that smell. It’s not something you want to have hanging around in a squirt bottle. The best way I can describe it? You’re in a chicken coup in the South during the hottest part of the day and there’s enough chicken shit to drown a giraffe.

As to how this wonderful concoction was produced? Check the video below.

So scientist, instead of doing important science, decide to create a product they could use while LARPing the first season of The Walking Dead. Ignoring the fact that a zombie apocalypse would really only last a week or two. Fantastic.

2. Zombie Beer

Scientists aren’t the only one’s mixing weird shit together in the name zombie. Beer makers are getting in on the act as well. The Dock Street Brewing Company in Philadelphia made headlines. This microbrew house already brews like the “Dry Irishman” and “Prisoner of Hell” decided to come up with a special beer for the season finale of “Walking Dead.”

The is beer, called “Walker,” has the usual from a microbrew. Yeast, barley, hops, some refreshing cranberries and real fucking brains. That’s not a misprint. It’s a beer with brains. Roasted goat brains.

I’ve never been to Philly and after reading that, I’m never going since the City of Brotherly Love is so shitty, the locals are demanding brain-flavored beer to lift their spirits.  The goat-brain beer isn’t even the worst thing I’ve seen.

3. Zombie Sex Toys

You read that right. There are companies making zombie sex toys, like
this one and people are buying it

I don’t know what to say.

Really.

Look, The “cologne” and the zombie beer can stay in the bottle. Those can be conversation starters at parties or little niche gifts for the zombie enthusiast. The brain beer from Philly may be really fucking good, but I won’t know since I’ll never step foot in Philly. Bot those are things you’ll share. You’re not going to share the plastic zombie dick with your friends.